


The Last Something That Meant Anything

by Tomlinsontoes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Falling Out of Love, M/M, Sad, Top Harry, breaking up, let's make the last time just like the first time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-03 21:17:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomlinsontoes/pseuds/Tomlinsontoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Louis and Harry’s 3rd anniversary when Harry doesn’t show up to dinner. It was never supposed to happen like this.</p><p>I promised myself I’d never write anything sad about them because their real life situation is painful yet here I am. Some dialogue is taken from a personal experience as well. </p><p>Title from Mayday Parade The Last Something That Meant Anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

 

Louis wasn’t supposed to be sitting on the couch in his room pissed past the point where there was no taste to the alcohol. This wasn’t supposed to be the third night in a row he did this. He doesn’t quite remember what sober feels like and he won’t as long as the pain in his chest stays constant.

 

He did it to himself. Let the pain great him like an old friend, allowed it to harbor in him, gnaw at his core, fueled it by looking at the pictures, reading the tweets, listening to the countless voicemails of _his_ sobbing, _his_ apologies. Louis knew he was sorry and he wouldn’t stop crying. Louis didn’t stop; he scrolled and scrolled, kept listening, screaming at the top of his lungs, crying his eyes out until there were only tearless sobs and gasps for breath, his head aching at the thought, the thought of letting go, forgetting it all; _his_ lips, _his_ eyes. Louis lived in those arms, it was his safety. But they were someone else’s now. Someone else’s lips kissed his cheek; someone else was the reason he smiled. Someone else danced with him in an empty room to music that wasn’t playing.

 

They haven’t spoke in a week. Louis couldn’t bare the thought. It was too late. Over.

 

He replays the night in his head for the millionth time. It was supposed to be perfect. It was their anniversary after all.

Louis had planned the whole night. He spent days making sure he had everything to make it unforgettable. He looked up at the clock on the stove 8:01 pm, he’s late. Louis patted down the creases on his shirt reached for his phone and dialed Harry. Ring ring ring ring ring hi you’ve reached Harr- he hangs up.

The food has been ready for ages, the candles drip with wax as each passing minute ticks by, 8: 45 pm Louis calls everyone he can think of who may know where Harry is, no one does.

He’s desperate, the one trait of his that causes his downfall. He turns to the Internet; surely someone somewhere has seen him. He should have just waited instead. Waited for Harry to sneak into the flat at a quarter past two, waited for him to stumble upon the set table and uneaten food, waited for him to spot the box on his dinner plate. He should have waited for his excuse. Should have waited so he would only toss and turn in his sleep anxious with his return. Instead he let Harry come into the flat to see the table upturned, the glassware shattered on the tile, the food in the sink. The bedroom empty. The bathroom door locked.

 

“L-Lou? Louis?” He hears his name through the buzzing in his ears, the gentle rap against the door.

“Louis? Let me in. I-I can explain. Louis please. I didn’t mean to miss dinner. Louis open up.” He hears the handle jiggle behind his head.

Louis stands up shakily wipes his eyes and opens the door. The second he sees him it’s like someone set off a bomb, Louis is unable to control himself, he starts sobbing again just looking at him. He’s angry. He’s more than angry. He’s betrayed. He pushes Harry hard, beats at his chest with clenched fists, screaming at the man in front of him, “How dare you! How fucking dare you!” He slaps Harry hard across the face, the sound echoing in the room, “Tonight? Out of any fucking night you-you cheat on me tonight?” He’s got Harry pushed against a wall his fists pounding into Harry’s chest, “fuck you fuck you fuck you!”

Louis hears sobbing that isn’t his own strained gasps for air a slur of “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” the words come tumbling out of Harry’s mouth. “Please Louis please I’m sorry!” Louis feels his wrists being grabbed and looks up at Harry, “Louis please!” Harry’s face is soaked with tears, his eyes red and puffy much like Louis’.

“No Harry! No!” He rips his wrists from Harry, “Three years three fucking years. And-and I find out online? Some fucking random person’s tweet letting me know my fucking boyfriend is cheating on me on our fucking anniversary and, and with I can’t even say his name.”

“Louis please…”

“You pro-promised me there was nothing between you two, fuck Harry! I trusted you!”

“I-I Louis I”

“Just shut up!”

Louis pulls away from Harry, haphazardly shoving random items of clothes in a bag as he hears Harry’s pleas, not listening, the words aren’t making sense, he doesn’t want to hear it.

“Bye Harry.”

 

Fresh tears form in Louis’ eyes as he remembers that night. It was only a few days ago but feels like a lifetime. He checks his phone for the time, 3:54 PM. He opens another bottle.

It’s the first time in days that he’s looked in a mirror, his eyes are swollen and bloodshot, his face scruffy and sunken, he looks sickly, deathly even.

He takes a cold shower the water numbing his skin, his heart still heavy. He sits in the shower knees to his chest, his head thuds against the tile the stream dripping down his face. He feels like dying.

A soft knock at the door brings him out of his daze. “Who the-?” he turns the water off and pats himself dry pulling on a balled up pair of shorts.

 

This is one of those moments that he wishes he utilized the peephole.

“What are you doing here?” Louis goes to shut the door, but it stops.

“Please let me in, Louis please.”

Louis opens the door and steps to the side letting Harry enter.

“How’d you find me?” Louis asks shutting the door.

“Your mum…”

“I told her no-“

“Don’t get mad at her. Can I sit?”

“Go ahead.” Louis pours himself a glass of water drinking it in one gulp.

Just the sight of him is making Louis’ eyes water, he just wants that fucking pain in his chest to disappear it feels like he’s being suffocated, like there’s a fucking house on him and it’s only getting worse the longer Harry’s there. He walks past Harry into the bedroom his back to the door.

He feels the bed sink on the opposite side but doesn’t flinch.

“Louis. I know I’m the last person you want to see right now. And I know, I know you hate me and there’s nothing I can do to fix this. I know I fucked up. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I hate me too. But, but fuck I don’t know how to say this without hurting you.”

“You can’t hurt me any more than you have.” Louis whispers.

“Oh Louis. I just. It got too comfortable. We got too comfortable. You just, you just liked the idea of a boyfriend. We got boring.”

Louis didn’t think his chest could hurt any more, but each word out of Harry’s mouth was another knife plunging into his core. He could almost feel the blood draining out of his veins the life being sucked out of him. He felt Harry scoot closer to him, right next to him, his hand over his.

“Louis I love you I do. But this just it’s not working anymore. Can you really say that you’ve been happy the last few months? The last year? We’re broken Louis.”

Louis turns to look at Harry in the face, a steady stream of tears rolls down his cheeks, he’s not sure he can even speak right now. “y-yes. Yes I was happy, I was, am always happy around you, with you Harry. How could you even think that? Fuck! Why didn’t you just say something Harry?” He jumps off the bed yelling but Harry grabs him by the waist and pull him between his legs to hold him still.

“I tried Louis, I tried! I always tried talking to you about how I felt but you wouldn’t listen! You played it off you said it wasn’t a big deal!”

Louis moves a chunk of curls out of Harry’s eyes, his hands cupping his face.

“I’m sorry Harry. I wish I could give you what you wanted.”

He pushes his face closer to Harry’s and pecks him lightly on the lips. He just needed one final taste. One final goodbye kiss.

Harry’s got his arms wrapped around Louis’s back, pulling the standing boy on top of him. Louis knows he should stop this, stop it before it gets taken too far, it’s out of sympathy, it shouldn’t be happening, but it is.

The kissing is slow, it’s passionate, it’s the most tender they’ve been with each other in weeks. It’s like the first time all over again. Louis lays his hands in Harry’s hair, lets him kiss up and down his neck back to his lips. It’s not weird, nothing feels weird about it and he couldn’t even begin to explain it but he just knew for some reason not to stop.

Louis brings his hands to the hem of Harry’s shirt tugging it up and over his head, he slides down his jeans next and then his own shorts. He doesn’t really make eye contact with Harry, just kisses him again, softly exploring the body he knows so well, the familiar curves and dimples, the small patches of hair here and there, he’s memorized every inch of Harry’s body. The pair of familiar hands that take hold of his hips pulling him into the lap he’s made his home for so long. The ghostly kisses that make their way down his shoulder to his chest, the bolt of electricity that he’s never gotten used to runs up his spine when he feels himself rub against Harry. He reaches down to touch him, like clockwork Harrys takes in a deep gasp of air then giggles. He strokes him slowly until he’s fully hard.

Louis feels himself be lifted effortlessly his back now against the coolness of the sheets, Harry’s lips in his neck, his body in between Louis’ legs. He throws his arm to the side of the bed knocking things over until he find what he’s looking for, resting it on the bed.

Harry never moves his mouth off of Louis’ as he opens the bottle and wets his fingers reaching his hand down Louis’ body. He feels the tip of Harry’s finger tease him before slowly pushing the finger in. Louis groans into his mouth deepening the kiss. Harry adds another while Louis’s lip is latched between his teeth. Louis digs his head into the pillow his lips detaching from Harry’s, “H-haarry”.

Harry fingers Louis slow and steady, just enough to make Louis’ breathing quicken, just enough to relax his body and let Harry enter him. It’s been awhile since they’ve actually had sex, their schedule so busy and tiring that they never were in the mood. Louis planned for it on their anniversary. But it’s been over a year since it’s felt like this. This time it wasn’t to make the other scream, it wasn’t rushed or selfish on one half, it was nice, it was just simple.

Louis could feel the tears build up in his eyes a few escaping and rolling down to his ear. He wasn’t in pain, well in that sense. He was in pain because he missed all the signs, missed the cries for help from Harry. Harry rocked into him, he could hear his pants in his ear the ever so often “Lou’s” that made it’s way out. It felt good; it always felt good he loved having Harry in him, always felt protected with Harry’s broad shoulders hovering over him, his big hands grasping his thighs, a squeeze with each thrust of his body. They barely let out any moans only a couple when Harry would hit the sensitive spots on Louis. Their orgasms built quickly and they both came silently, Louis’s body freezing as it always did, his thighs quivering and Harry squeezing his eyes shut holding his breath and turning a slight shade of pink before taking in a deep breath. Louis always thought Harry was going to pass out from not breathing.

They kiss a little longer until Harry pulls off of Louis and makes his way into the bathroom emerging with a wet cloth.

He sits down again next to Louis and wipes his stomach off, smiling up at him a few times.

“I-I don’t want you to think I did this because-“

“I don’t Harry.”

“It doesn’t change anything I still wan-“

“I know Harry.”

Louis gets up and pulls his shorts back on and throws a shirt on, Harry is dressing as well. Louis wipes his eyes again before turning to face Harry.

“Maybe you should go Harry. I don’t think there’s anything left to say between us.”

“Yeah,” Harry rubs the back of his neck, “I guess there isn’t. I do love you ya know. Always will Lou.”

“But you’re not in love with me anymore are you?”

“No. No I guess I’m not.”

“Yeah, I’ll never understand that. How that happens so quickly.” Louis wipes his eyes again. His body is stiff, and although Harry is across the room he still feels too close.

“Louis I’m sorry. It’d be wrong for me to keep this up. I-“

“What do we tell the guys? We can’t do this.”

“I quit Lou. I’m not, I’m not I’m leaving the band. It’s over.”

“Harry you can’t just leave. God we are so fucking selfish. We’re ruining their fucking dreams.”

“I have to, we can’t do this we can’t be in a band together Louis!”

“No! I’ll leave. Let me leave, you’re the front man, you guys will be fine without me and you know it Harry.”

“Louis bu-“

“The band would crumble without you. It’s the only way, it’s fine, you guys will be fine without me or they’ll find someone else. You know full well I was never supposed to be in the group from the beginning anyway.”

Harry had made his way over to Louis his hands on his shoulders and his forehead resting on Louis’ “If that’s what you really want Louis then okay. They hate me ya know-the fans. They already suspect the band to break up.”

“I’ll make a statement tomorrow. You should go Harry I need to make phone calls.”

He watches Harry grab his coat and walk to the door, knowing it will probably be the last time he ever sees him. And just like that he becomes only a memory of something that once was, his spot in Harry’s heart now reserved for someone else.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I guess sort of a filler for the more exciting stuff I want to write for this since I'm being begged to continue it. It's simple but still made me cry writing it.

 “Hey mum, it’s me.”

“Oh Louis, sweetheart it’s so good to hear your voice, how are you darling?”

He needed to tell her before anyone else did.

“Look mum, I have to tell you something,” he clears his throat before continuing, ‘I-I’m leaving the band.”

“But Louis-“

“No mum I can’t do it, Harry and I are done, I can’t be in the band. It’s fine. I have enough money for you and the girls I don’t need it, just put it towards school.”

Louis can hear his mum silently sobbing on the other end and he wishes he could have told her in person and be there to hug her but he’s too much of a coward.

“Lou, oh Lou please come home so we can talk, please.”

“I can’t I have to go talk with the label tomorrow, actually I have to call them when we hang up. I just wanted you to be the first to know, I didn’t want you finding out any other way.”

“Louis you know we’re here for you no matter what, through all of this, your sisters are very worried about you. Did you talk to him? I’m sorry I told him where you were, I thought it would help.”

“Tell them not to worry. Yeah, he actually just uh left. Don’t be sorry mum, it was good closure.” Louis’ eyes start to water.

“So that’s it then? I mean you don’t have to talk about it Louis, I’ve just been in the dark the whole time. You know how shocked I was to hear, Anne actually stopped by yesterday, she felt terrible Louis.”

Instead of sadness a wave of hate sweeps over Louis because not only did Harry ruin their relationship he also ruined their mum’s.

“Yeah I don’t really want to talk about it mum but yeah that’s it, it’s over. Fuck mum I’m sorry don’t let it ruin your friendship. But I have to go I’m sorry love you mum.”

“I love you too Louis, you’re so brave, we are so proud of you bye.”

 

Louis’ heart is heavy again, for his mum and how much this is affecting her. He thinks about how fucking selfish Harry is to do this, ruin his life, and mess up everyone else’s around them. He gets a glass of water before dialing Modest.

His phone call went a little smoother than planned, the label suspected it and already had some pr tactics worked out, some shit Louis didn’t understand. The other guys were already notified and told not to connect Louis at the present moment. But he had to make a statement; Louis didn’t want to make it a big deal even though it was huge. He didn’t want to cause any more attention to himself; he quite frankly wanted to disappear.

They reminded him though that the band had one more performance tomorrow and that he would have to come out of hiding.  Louis almost forgot all about it and promised he’d be there but not at rehearsal.

He sits down on the couch and opens his laptop scrolling through tweets and instinctively clicks on a link about Harry.

“Harry Styles seen leaving unknown flat crying,” Louis says aloud as he scans the photos of Harry his eyes red and puffy, “Louis Tomlinson hasn’t been spotted in days, was Harry visiting him?”  

He closes the article and writes his first Tweet in over a week. It’ll do for now.

_News tomorrow. Love you all. Can’t thank you enough for everything !!_

***

Louis gets to the venue about 30 minutes before they have to perform. The air is tense and thick and his hands are sweating like crazy. Liam, Niall and Zayn all rush to Louis the second he walks in the door.

“Didn’t think you were coming mate,” Niall says.

“So happy to see you Louis,” Zayn kisses him on the head

“Thank you for showing up,” Liam says.

There’s so much Louis wants to say to them he wants to apologize and cry and beg for their forgiveness, but he knows they know how he feels, how he would never intentionally let them down. He can’t believe this is the last time he’s ever going to perform with One Direction, the last time he’s going to stand on a stage and live his dream.

He can’t help but start crying and Liam ushers him into a room shutting the door behind them.

“Louis I don’t know what to say or how to make things better but-“

“Li no it’s not your job to, fuck I’m so sorry mate I can’t believe I’m doing this to you guys.”

Liam’s got Louis in a hug rocking him back and forth as his tears seep through his shirt.

“No, don’t be sorry. If anything we’re sorry, we wish there was something we could have done to prevent this. None of us had a clue you and Harry were having trouble. Louis you can do this, you can get through this performance, we could never hate you or blame you for anything okay?”

 

Louis looks up wiping his nose and eyes, he can’t believe how lucky he is to have these amazing friends, he’s ruining their dream and here Liam is apologizing when it should be him.

 

“Love you Li, I will never forgive him for this.”

“Love you too Louis and I know, and don’t worry you’re not standing anywhere near him you’re gonna be next to me and Niall on the opposite side of the stage. We’ll get it over quickly but we gotta go now, run to the bathroom and splash some water on your face okay.”

Louis wipes his eyes and gets up with Liam walking out the door.

 

Louis hurries to the bathroom opening the door at the same time someone else is doing it on the other side.

“Oops! Sorry about that.“ He hears a familiar voice say. Looking up to see Harry on the other side of the door.

“Hi.” Louis manages to get out.

“Wow, you’re here, uhm yeah I guess I’ll see you out there then?” Harry says awkwardly trying to get around Louis and out the door.

“Yeah I guess.” Louis says walking past him, not letting the door go quite yet.

“Ya know it’s funny,” Louis Laughs to himself, “this is where it started. Now it’s ending here as well.  Fucking perfect.” He lets the door shut.

Louis somehow manages to get through their performance putting everything he’s got into because he’s never going to do it again. He feels terrible, watching all these people cheer for them and scream, not knowing it would be the last time they’d ever see them together on a stage.

“Uhm there’s something I’d like to say.” Louis says into his mic a little shaky.

Liam gives him a “what the fuck” look but knows better than to stop him.

“I just wanted to thank each and every one of you for being here, for supporting us and our dream. We literally would not be up here right now if it wasn’t for all of you. I cannot thank you enough for your continuous support and love. You really are the best fans in the world and we love you all so much. Which makes the next thing very difficult to say.”

Louis wasn’t planning on telling everyone after they sang but he felt so guilty up there watching the fans and seeing how happy they were thinking there was not going to be a change, that everything was normal.

“I just wanted to let you all know that this will be my last performance with One Direction.”

The entire place falls silent; Louis notices many of the girls in the crowd starting to cry and he begins to get choked up himself as he continues,

“I cannot thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to sing for all of you over the past three years. I still can’t believe this was my life and I owe it all to you guys. I love you so much and it pains me deeply to tell you this. One Direction will go on, they’ll still tour and make videos, but at this point in time I can no longer be apart of this band, and I hope somehow you can understand that and continue to support them in my absence. Thank you all really, I love you-our fans more than anything.”

Louis brings his mic down and takes in a sigh before kissing his hand sending it out to the crowd and bowing one last time as a member of One Direction.

 


End file.
